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Category Archives: humor

I’m going to cast my vote with this guy, even though he’s an Iowan.

He had a string of catchy pop songs that were hits. He was an innovative dancer. He was an extremely talented guy in his prime, which was long ago now.

But that’s it. In no way, shape or form does Michael Jackson deserve the incredibly vast attention he’s gotten the last week-and-a-half after his death, a death that probably was caused by his own foolishness.

The amount of coverage Jackson’s Tuesday funeral service in downtown Los Angeles will receive on national television and other media forms is absurd.

This was not a statesman. This was an entertainer. This was not someone who made important songs, who wrote important lyrics, who said important things, who did important things.

This was a celebrity, and an awfully silly one at that…”

For the full article:


David Letterman quipped on his show this week that Sarah Palin cultivates an image as a “slutty flight attendant” and then joked that when Palin and her daughter visited Yankee Stadium and watched a baseball game, an awkward moment arose when Palin’s daughter was “knocked up” by Yankees infielder Alex Rodriguez in the seventh inning.

Letterman isn’t always funny – in fact he hasn’t really been funny in years – but seldom has he stooped so low.

Sarah Palin is a lovely woman and millions of American women view her as a role model.  She is also an intelligent and accomplished woman, but her religious and political views have made her a favorite target of the left-wingers who dominate the American entertainment industry.  It’s no surprise that Letterman doesn’t like Governor Palin, but we may be forgiven for our surprise at the sliminess Letterman’s attack.  I’ve never heard Letterman link the word slutty to any other female politician, but maybe that’s because they just aren’t attractive enough to arouse him the way Palin does.

But the really disgusting moment, the moment when he really hit rock bottom, was the asinine joke about Governor Palin’s daughter getting impregnated by Alex Rodriguez.  Presumably Letterman and his overpaid writers assumed that Governor Palin was accompanied by her 18-year old daughter Bristol, who is an unwed mother.  At least that’s what he claims.  But the governor was actually accompanied by her 14-year old daughter Willow.  Consequently, Letterman was actually making a deroguatory sex joke about an underage girl.

In a lame attempt to get credit for an apology without actually making one, Letterman spoke about the incident during his monologue yesterday, making a variety of inane jokes that further illustrated his contempt for the entire Palin family.  He also said that he would “never ever” joke about a 14-year old girl being raped or otherwise engaging in any kind of sexual activity, but on the other hand, he did it in front of God and everybody.  And by the way, is it really so different to talk about an 18-year old in the same terms?

Personal note to Dave Letterman: Mr. Letterman, I’m no fan of yours.  You aren’t amusing and like I said before, you haven’t been in years.  So that you don’t think I have no sense of humor, I want you to know that I’m a big fan of your employee Craig Ferguson, who is funny in a way you have never been.  But you are just a huge jerk, a train wreck, and a laughingstock.  Most Americans aren’t laughing at your jokes any more, Dave Letterman.  They’re laughing at you.

It must be disheartening for Democrats to see how well Sarah Palin has been received as John McCain’s running mate.  Women love her, men love to look at her, working class people and outdoorsmen identify with her, and her popularity is (at least for now) greater than that of anyone else that either party has to offer.  All this, and most people still really don’t know much about her.

Sounds familiar to Republicans.  For the last year and a half we’ve been hearing praise and adoration for Obama based on little more than his ability to read a speech and his skin color, from people who really didn’t know anything about him.

What does it all mean?

It means that people still vote for superficials.  People are still essentially the same today as they were twenty years ago, fifty years ago, and one hundred years ago.  People know that they can’t learn everything about a candidate, so they’re looking for someone who they identify with; we look for external markers that tell us this person is genuinely what they appear to be.  When mothers and grandmothers look at Palin they see a mother of five with a daughter who is pregnant and a son who has a developmental disability.  When evangelicals look at Palin they see a mom who could have aborted her imperfectly conceived child, but chose life instead.  When outdoorsmen look at Palin they see someone who genuinely likes to hunt and fish (not one who, like Bill Clinton, sits in a duck blind for an hour, fires a round into an empty sky, and then walks out of the blind with a duck that someone else shot).  When high-achieving, competitive people look at Palin they see Sarah Barracuda, state basketball champion and mother of a hockey player.  When frustrated idealists look at Palin they see a self-sacrificing whistleblower who took on her own party and won.

That’s why the Republican base isn’t even paying much attention to what Sarah Palin says.  It’s the same thing when Obama speaks – democrats hear some indistinct mix of nouns and verbs and adverbs and pronouns and beatiful, glittering, quavering adjectives.  “Elbow, snowflake, green grass, macaroni, you and I, best friends forever,” he says.  And their eyes fill with tears because he’s tall and handsome and black and he has a deep voice and he might actually win.

Yep, they’re a different color, a different gender, and a different party, but it’s pretty much the same thing going on.  That’s politics.  Welcome to campaign 2008.

Read this instead:,2933,395081,00.html

Two nights ago the North Dakota democrats had their state convention in Grand Forks, and received a very special treat.  Both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton attended, and each gave a speech.

Obama was preceded by local loudmouth Ed “Screamin’ Eddie” Schultz, who in the course of his comments, called John McCain a “warmonger.”

Now Ed Schultz has always been a thoughtless, obnoxious, loudmouth, but this is too much to tolerate.  Few people in America know as much about war – firsthand – as John McCain.  Few people are as thoughtful and restrained in their criticisms of opponents as McCain.  When that crosseyed jackass Bill Cunningham spouted off at length about Barack Hussein Obama while warming up the crowd for a McCain rally in Cincinnati, McCain denounced his inflammatory language.  Obama has been asked to take the same step, and has refused to do so.

Barack Obama is a man whose honor is dwarfed by his pride and his ambition.

Barack Obama takes an important call

Mike Huckabee’s appearance on SNL last night was a complete success for the candidate and for the show.

The bit begins with Weekend Update anchors Seth Myers and Amy Pohler segueing from a previous item into a brief discussion of Huckabee’s unwillingness to leave the race for the presidential nomination.  Myers then introduces Huckabee, and inquires why Huckabee remains an active candidate.

A hilarious exchange ensues, with Myers playing the worldly-wise news anchor explaining the term “mathematical impossibility” to Huckabee while Huckabee feigns surprise and good-naturedly plays along as though he hadn’t understood the primary/caucus/delegate/convention system.  The bit ends with another gag, in which Huckabee announces that whatever happens, when it’s time for him to exit the contest he’ll know, and that he’ll “exit…with class and grace.”  Huckabee then misses several obvious cues that his appearance is over and the players are waiting for him to depart the set.

All in all it was a very clevely written and well-executed bit, and Huckabee pulled it off with great aplomb.  He seemed entirely comfortable and he was very well received by the audience.

The best thing about this appearance, though, was the way it poked fun at the conventional wisdom and showed Huckabee to be a humble and humorous fellow, willing to laugh at himself.  He hammed it up just enough to be funny, but he didn’t go to Jerry Lewis-land.  Hopefully it served notice to the powers that be that Huckabee is staying in the contest for the Republican contest, as he has said, until it’s resolved.

The Chuckinator Questions my wife would like to ask of Mike Huckabee:

  • Do you really know Mr Norris?
  • Is he as big in real life as he is on TV?
  • Does he like chicken?
  • What color is his underwear?
  • Does he color his hair?
  • What is his real middle name?
  • Whats his dog’s name? 

No, there’s nothing cynical about this candidate…

According to CNN, on the day before Super Tuesday Hillary Clinton became emotional while addressing a meeting at the Yale Child Study Center at Yale University.  (there’s a link at the end of this article)

The last time Clinton cried on the campaign trail was on the day before the New Hampshire primary, and as a result (whether direct or indirect) she won a shocking victory over Barack Obama when an enormous number of female voters made a last-minute decision to vote for her.

The CNN article notes – without pointing out the irony, bless their hearts – that following her previous breakdown some people praised Hillary for “finally [baring] her true self.”

Oh no, I promised myself I wouldn't...

Mitt Romney today released a statement urging the New York Giants to withdraw from the Super Bowl so that the New England Patriots can be assured of an undefeated championship season.

 Willard Mitt Romney

The statement reads: “As most people know, the NFL Championship will be determined today by a contest between the New England Patriots and the New York Giants.  While this championship game will include both teams, there can be no question that the Patriots are actually more deserving of the win.  Since everyone knows that the sporting thing for the Giants to do would be to drop out of this contest and allow the Patriots a guaranteed win, and everybody knows this is true and wants the Giants to drop out of the game, I am officially not taking a position today.  The Giants should do whatever makes them happy; they have a perfect right to stay in the game for as long as they want.  They can even try to win it.  I have no problem with the Giants playing in this game today in Arizona, and I have no opinion about whether they should forfeit, which everybody knows they should do, but I want them to do whatever makes them happiest.  As long as they know that they can’t win and they shouldn’t even be trying.”

You’ve been hearing lately that the contest for the Republican presidential nomination has become a “two man race.”  Well, it isn’t a race at all.  Let me explain what I mean.

Is that you, Mitt?

A race is a contest in which the object is to finish first.  But there are plenty of Republican candidates who finished anywhere from a few days (Rudy Giuliani) to a few months ago (Sam Brownback, Tommy Thompson).  If these guys were racing to finish, the remaining candidates would be trailing the field badly.

Another problem with calling this contest a race is that for the observer, the fun is in picking a winner.  But if you’re merely trying to pick a winner, you’ll end up voting for the wrong person.  Personally, I think a lot of people are backing Mitt Romney not because they think he’s the best candidate, but because they want to pick a winner – and with his good looks, nice suits, and bottomless bank account, Mitt Romney looks the part.

Though a supporter of a different candidate, I think I can make a dispassionate distinction between the support enjoyed by John McCain and Mitt Romney.  While McCain’s support is mostly solid, Romney’s looks to me to be about a mile wide and an inch deep.  His camp is populated by a large contingent who would like to vote for Mike Huckabee but think he can’t win.  I’ve heard it from people I know (my neighbor who won’t take a Huckabee yard sign because “I don’t think he’s going to win”) and people I don’t know – such as columnists, commentators, and bloggers.  If all those closeted Huckabee fans would vote their consciences instead of settling for the wrong man, Huckabee would have a banner day on Super Tuesday.

As it is, I still believe that Huckabee will turn in a performance equal to or better than Romney’s on February 5, and that isn’t just wishful thinking.  Huckabee is performing respectably in the national polls, and even better in selected state polls – particularly in Southern states, and especially in Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, Arkansas, and Missouri – all of which will vote on Tuesday.  He’s also popular in Minnesota (currently in 2nd place according to MPR) and North Dakota.  To the west, Huck is leading in Oklahoma and although poll numbers aren’t available for Texas, he’s both well-known and well-liked there.

Need another reason to dispense with the race metaphor?  Huckabee is the only man in the Republican mix who can run 26.2 miles.  That’s right: in a marathon, only Huckabee can win.