Lake Superior is enormous and spectacular. It is touched by three US states and one Canadian province. On the northwest shore the Sawtooth Mountains are a breathtakingly beautiful sight. The lake is so big it generates its own weather. Superior is said to be the site of hundreds of shipwrecks, including the infamous wreck of the SS Edmund Fitzgerald, a massive 729 foot long iron ore carrier. Lake Superior is bigger than the entire state of South Carolina – in fact, it’s the world’s largest freshwater lake by surface area. And yet Lake Superior wasn’t so named because it’s best of the Great Lakes, but because early explorers recognized that it was the farthest north, (or highest) of the lakes. This fact teaches us that being highest may give the perception of superiority, but it ain’t always so. And the same is sometimes true in politics. Politically speaking, who’s on top right now? Among Democrats, at the moment of this writing, it’s Hillary Clinton. But Barack Obama is hot on her heels, especially in the early caucus state of Iowa. We know how quickly a race like this can turn, too, having seen Mike Huckabee demolish the seemingly insurmountable lead of Rudy Giuliani with a few pithy truths and a couple of well placed quips at the CNN/Youtube debate.
But as Hillary isn’t the Dems’ best candidate just because she’s on top (for now), neither would Obama be. The best Democrat running for president right now, the Democrat of Democrats, is New Mexico governor Bill Richardson. Let me tell you why.
Richardson is an effective communicator and a true believer in the liberal agenda. Plus, he has brownish skin. And just look at the following list of important positions Richardson has taken:
Education: Bill Richardson wants to increase teachers’ pay like he did in New Mexico. According to his website, that means $60 billion dollars in cuts to the defense budget in order to increase the federal education budget by the same amount. That way when the Chinese invade, by golly, our kids are going to be fluent in Mandarin.
Energy: Richarson likes windmills. They’re fun to look at and they go whoosh, whoosh, whoosh!
Health Care: Two words: Universal and Mandatory.
Agriculture: The governor wants to boost crop production and improve farmers’ livelihoods by conserving more farmland and teaching them to speak Spanish. That way they’ll be better qualified to join the independent contractors of uncertain ethnic origin picking lettuce on their 25 acre family subsistence farms.
HIV/AIDS: Richardson has a plan to combat the AIDS epidemic: he will appoint a blue ribbon panel. Nothing stops AIDS like tying blue ribbons around gay men. And it’s festive, too.
Abortion: Governor Richardson is committed to keeping abortion safe and legal, easily accessible, and covered under Universal Health Care. That way we can cut down on the number of babies born in the US. You see, babies require lots of expensive care. So the easiest way to keep health costs down is to abort as many of them as possible. To that end, Richardson has already promised that when he becomes president, he will impose a Roe v. Wade litmus test on all new judges.
Medicinal Marijuana: Oooh, Bill isn’t feeling so good. He needs some medicine!
So if you’re a Democrat who’s puzzling over the many choices on your ballot this year, take it from me, a lifelong Republican. Bill Richardson is your best bet.